The Importance of Forgiving Others and Yourself
Hello everyone! I pray you have had a great week so far. It is my hope that The Restored Life blog has been a blessing to you. If so, please share with others and subscribe to stay updated with each week’s blog.
In today’s blog, I want to discuss walking in forgiveness. This is a touchy subject, but it’s necessary to address it. Otherwise, we can find ourselves walking in unforgiveness and reaping the consequences of it. As believers, we can not harbor unforgiveness in our hearts toward others. We must choose to forgive others no matter how big or small the matter is. We can not receive forgiveness from our Father if we are walking in unforgiveness toward those who have offended or done us wrong. Forgiving others is not always easy, but we are required to forgive.
To forgive means we: (1) stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake, (2) stop blaming or being mad at someone for something that person has done, or not punish them for something, and (3) overlook an offense, and treat the offender as not guilty. With these definitions, we have a clear understanding of what it looks like to forgive. It takes maturity to forgive when our flesh wants us to stay in a state of offense and resentment. I can relate to the feelings that arise when someone says or does something that inflicts pain. That pain may be physical, mental, or emotional. Their actions or words cut deep. Previously, I tried to forgive others in my own strength and was unsuccessful.
But once I invited the Holy Spirit into my situation, then I was able to forgive. When thoughts of the wrongdoing would replay in my mind, I still had to choose to forgive. I could not live in a state of continually reliving the offense. In the Word of God, I am reminded that forgiving others is a requirement, as God has forgiven me. Regardless of what was said or done, I have to give up the right to hold a grudge. I can’t afford to stay offended. Otherwise, that will cause anger and resentment to fester in my heart.
Throughout my adulthood, I had to walk through seasons of forgiveness. This was not just one instance but multiple occasions. In life, we will encounter disagreements, conflicts, and offenses. These things are unavoidable. But when the issues arise, we must respond how the Word instructs us to. It’s not based on our feelings and emotions. We can not try to validate them no matter the situation or circumstance.
I have lived through this so I can attest to the inner battle between the flesh and spirit. They are warring against each other. Your spirit will alert you of the need to forgive, releasing the person and the offense. All the while, your flesh is feeding into the wrongdoing, causing you to walk around, angry, resentful, and offended. Honestly, there were times I held on to unforgiveness for years. I thought I had forgiven, but truthfully, I had not. Through the Holy Spirit’s revelation and counseling, I was able to identify the areas where I was holding on to unforgiveness.
The pain attached to the wrongdoing caused me to stay offended and angry at the individuals. It affected how I interacted with them. But with the Holy Spirit’s leading, I sought to make amends as much as possible given the relationship dynamics. Some came through face-to-face conversations. Others were through letters or some form of messaging. I noticed within myself that making amends or clearing up the matter brought peace. My intentions were not to make the other person feel awful and cast blame. Instead, my desire was to honestly share how their words and/or actions affected me and seek to make peace with the person (if possible). The anger I once felt was gone. Regardless of the person’s response, I felt a release from the negative feelings and emotions I had been harboring. These experiences caused me to be aware that forgiveness is necessary and brings healing. It frees you, and it prevents you from having open doors for the devil to gain access to you.
With unforgiveness comes various spirits that can now easily attach themselves to you. Usually, where there is unforgiveness, there is also offense, resentment, anger, and bitterness. These are only a few spirits that can attach themselves to you. Holding on to unforgiveness is detrimental to our overall well-being. We can not walk in unforgiveness and have the expectation of all things going well in our lives. It is a hindrance in our walk with Christ.
So we must make the decision to walk in forgiveness. In doing so, we can forgive others and ourselves. Yes, it’s not just others; we need to forgive ourselves as well.
Forgiving Others
To successfully forgive others, we must invite the Holy Spirit into the matter. We should not be led by our flesh when seeking to make amends with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Whether the issue is minor or major, we need the Holy Spirit to guide us. Being led by Him will have a more favorable outcome than doing so in our own strength.
Also, we must be mature in handling the issue. This shouldn’t be a time of finger-pointing and casting blame. There is a mature way to explain how the matter affected you without telling the person off or giving them a piece of your mind. That’s why it is important to approach the conversation with humility and love led by the Holy Spirit. Pride and having to be right all the time has to go. There is nothing we have to prove to the other person. The end result should be reconciliation, restoring the relationship (if possible).
In addition to being led by the Spirit of God and walking in both humility and love, we must know there are consequences if we choose to walk in unforgiveness. It is important to know that if we decide not to forgive others of their faults, mistakes, or sins against us, God will not forgive our sins. We will not receive God’s forgiveness when we are harboring unforgiveness in our hearts. It’s very simple. Forgive others so God does not withhold His forgiveness toward you.
Another consequence of unforgiveness is that it hinders God from hearing our prayers. Before we pray, we need to forgive anyone for anything that they have said or done. We can not harbor unforgiveness in our hearts while praying to God. It is akin to our prayers being blocked from reaching heaven due to a glass ceiling. We may be unaware of the glass ceiling, but nonetheless, it is still present. That ceiling would be unforgiveness. This shows us the importance of clearing up any complaints, disagreements, arguments, and offenses that we have with anyone. But when we choose to forgive quickly and easily, we do not have to be concerned about any hidden unforgiveness in our hearts. If we find ourselves in a state of unforgiveness, we must choose to forgive so there is no hindrance restricting our prayers to God.
Now that we have explored forgiving others, we can move on to discuss forgiving ourselves.
Forgiving Yourself
This particular area we can often overlook in our lives. By this point, we should recognize the importance of forgiving others. But we also need to forgive ourselves. When we fall short and sin or make a mistake, we may battle self condemning thoughts. Even after we have confessed our sins, we struggle with believing we are forgiven. Or rather, we think God holds the transgression over our heads. I know this is not everyone, but I believe there are others who have battled these thoughts. I have found myself viewing my past mistakes and sins from this frame of mind. As I meditated on 1 John 1:9, my way of thinking shifted. I could believe that when I confessed my sins, God fully forgives me. This is not a partial forgiveness to bring it up at a later date. No, He doesn’t hang it over my head, constantly reminding me of what I had done.
That is not in Yah’s character. It is our adversary, the devil, who seeks to condemn us. Once we confess our sin, we are forgiven. The mistake, trangression, or sin is covered under the blood of Jesus. This is why it’s important to understand and believe we are forgiven by our Father. Take captive any self-condemning thought. Don’t allow it to be implanted in your heart and turn into your belief system. Replace the lie with the truth of God’s Word. That is why we must stay girded up with the whole armor of God daily. (Eph. 6:10-17) In doing so, we have the ability to stand against the schemes of the devil. Now that we are prepared for the enemy’s tactics, we can resist him when he sends condemning thoughts. We make the decision to reject them. And, likewise, we can walk in forgiveness with confidence.
Put It into Practice: How to Walk in Forgiveness
Forgiving Others
- Move beyond our emotions and feelings–Forgive easily and quickly.
- Don’t allow offense, anger, resentment, and bitterness to take root in your heart.
- When we experience an offense or have a complaint against someone, be led by the Holy Spirit to determine how to address the situation.
- Address the person with maturity–Do not bring in additional persons who may further stir up strife and division.
- Approach the person with humility and love–Remove any pride and do not cast blame.
- **Ask for forgiveness**: If there is any wrongdoing or offense you have committed against the individual, ask for his/her forgiveness as well. It goes both ways.
- Make amends with our brothers and sisters in Christ–Forgiveness opens the door for reconciliation.
- It takes two willing individuals in agreement to pursue a fully restored relationship.
- Reconciliation is possible if both individuals make the effort to let go of the offense, heal, and truly desire to mend their broken relationship.
- Depending on the nature and severity of the matter, it will take time to restore the relationship. It doesn’t always happen overnight.
- Choose to forgive whether we receive an apology or not.
- We have to forgive even though some people will never admit their wrongdoings or offenses.
- Our decision to walk in forgiveness is not based on the other person’s response.
- Let it go and release the person.
- Once we decide to forgive, let the offense go. Don’t continue to hold it over his/her head.
Forgiving Yourself
- Confess your sins to God and believe according to His Word that He has forgiven you.
- Once we confess our sins/faults/mistakes, we need to believe we are forgiven and it is covered under the blood of Jesus.
- When self-condemning thoughts arise in your mind, take the thought captive, and cast it down.
- Do not come into agreement with thoughts that lead to condemnation and lead you to walk in shame and guilt.
Closing Thoughts
I hope this week’s blog will help you on your journey of walking in forgiveness. I know it’s not always easy. But no matter the difficulty, we must choose to forgive. If you are having a hard time releasing the person and what they have said or done, invite God into the situation. He will guide you through it and help you to fully forgive the person. Healing and restoration are possible for you. All we have to do is be honest with ourselves and with Him.
Until next time, have a great week!
