The Importance of Avoiding Fornication
✨️🎊It’s my anniversary!!🎉✨️
This month marks my 10-year abstinence journey. There are times when it seems like it was only a few years ago when I made the decision to remain abstinent until marriage. Then, at other times, it feels even longer. In the beginning, it was a major adjustment. Along the way, there’s been a lot that I’ve had to learn and unlearn. I have experienced numerous highs and lows. During certain periods of time, I found immense peace and true contentment in my singleness and abstinence, especially within the first few years. On the other hand, later in my journey, I hoped marriage was right around the corner for me. The struggle was real. I had no desire to go back to fornication but the desire for companionship and sex was very present throughout this 10-year period.
In today’s blog, I want to share my journey of making it to 10 years. It was no easy feat, but it has been worth it. It is only by the grace of God and continually making the decision to remain abstinent that has allowed me to successfully make this far. It is not in my own strength. No matter the challenges I have overcome, I truly believe this is one of the most important decisions I have ever made in life. I hope that sharing my story will encourage others who are living an abstinent lifestyle and for those who are struggling with fornication to start theirs. For the readers who are married, please share with family, friends, and acquaintances who are unmarried to help them as they are navigating their singleness. It is not always a cakewalk, and oftentimes, we need some encouragement to endure through it.
My abstinence journey started in June of 2015 when I was in my early twenties. I had been in a backslidden state where I was fornicating, clubbing, drinking, and occasionally smoking weed. The way I was living was a stark contrast to how I was raised. Yes, I was young and now a “real” adult. Regardless of my young age, how I carried or presented myself was nothing like what my mother had instilled into me growing up. But in spite of being wayward, living in a state of sin, the Father still was pursuing me. I like to say, “God was thinking about me, even when I wasn’t thinking about Him.”
During that time in my life, I was trying to cover up some of the mental and emotional pain of my childhood with male attention, affection, sex and other forms of comfort. I was avoiding what caused the pain. Instead, I sought to find love or some type of affection through lust-filled encounters. In the months leading up to June, I could feel a change taking place in me. My desires were changing. What I once enjoyed I no longer cared for. In the beginning of 2015, I could sense a change in the dynamics of my friendships. There was a progressive separation that was taking place. I didn’t fully understand at first, but I became completely aware months later. When I made it to June, I was at a place where I was flat-out tired. The lifestyle of clubbing and fornication was no longer appealing to me. My environment was changing. The friends I once were close with I no longer wanted to be around. My desires were changing, and with it came separation.
In early June, I had an encounter with Christ in my bedroom where I came to the end of me. I no longer wanted to live the way I had been living. The love, acceptance, and affection I had been looking for was not found in sex or in another person but in God alone. It was in my bedroom where I gave up my lifestyle of fornicating, clubbing (partying), and smoking weed. I was done. At that very moment, what I once found comfort in, I no longer wanted anything to do with it. I wanted it out of my life. I was willing to leave a lifestyle of sin and separate myself from friends who would only influence me to continue sinning. Throughout the month, God purged a lot out of my life. As He was removing things and people out of my life, my desires were beginning to align with His desires. The stumbling blocks had to go.
In the same month, I joined a new church. For the next three years, I was immersed into serving at my church. While many people my age had other pastimes, I was involved in various ministries in and outside of the church. From 2016 to 2018, I was at church at least three times a week. During this period, God was maturing me while He had me separated. Between years three and four of my abstinence journey, I started counseling, and I joined a local group of likeminded believers who were on a similar path. While in counseling, it gave me the opportunity to confront the root cause of my past behaviors. Prior to, I was serving and serving, always busy in church. The majority of the time, I was at three possible places: work, home, or church. I stayed busy. But the problem I faced was I didn’t get to the root “why” of my past sins. During my counseling sessions, I was able to address what I had suppressed from childhood into adulthood. By confronting my past, it opened the door for healing and led me to experience deliverance.
Throughout years three to five, I continued to pursue healing. It was my desire to eventually be married and have a family of my own. I wanted my future husband and children to receive the healed version of me, not the angry, resentful, and rejected version I had grown to know. At that time, I was content in my abstinence journey. Occasionally, I thought about being in a relationship and sex. In reflecting on those moments, I am thankful for what it taught me. I could not allow myself to be driven by lust, and I had to take captive any thought that would cause me to reminisce on the past.
Then, things shifted between 2020 and 2021. During that period in my life , I had to navigate through many challenges. With the pandemic came changes at work, and I struggled with the mandated shutdown. My life consisted of work and home, with the exception of going to the grocery store and gas station. And, on top of that, I was working in the hospital. Then, in early 2021, my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed shortly before my birthday. I was struggling to adjust to life without her. I had peace with her passing; but, the pain I felt was her absence in my life. I contemplated so many what ifs. At this time, I was heartbroken that my mom was gone and that she would never witness me get married or have children. I felt so behind in life, like I was missing something. Shortly after her passing, I tried to pursue online dating after someone’s suggestion. That was horrible advice.
I was in no shape to date anyone; doing so would have been a recipe for disaster. More than likely, it would have resulted in me falling and engaging in fornication. With everything I was battling, I would not have made wise decisions that would keep me. But thank God for His divine protection and keeping me. Throughout the past few years, I have dealt with inner conflict with my desires. I still had the desire for marriage and family, but honestly, I was struggling to believe if it was attainable for me. I was trying to find contentment, but continually, I felt conflicted. By year eight, the discontentment plateaued. In reading and meditating on Philippians 4:11-13, I found the contentment I needed.
11Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
No matter my relationship status, I could find contentment in Christ. He would give me the strength I need to endure through my singleness. Yes, I would have times where I thought about sex or desired it, but I was not overcome by it. I recognized that everything i had felt was not lust, even though some was. I learned the difference between what was lust and what was a natural human desire to be managed the right way. Throughout these 10 years, I learned there is more to life than sex. In a society driven by sex that glorifies sex outside of marriage, I have the awareness that it is not the end all, be all of our existence. Pertaining to marriage, I still have the desire, but whether I am single or married, it is my hope to be content. I still believe the desire to be married is healthy and commendable. But I choose not to be overwhelmed with whether or not I will be married. I want to have true contentment and fulfillment in Christ. Only He will be able to sustain me. In my journey, I discovered it helped to share the highs and lows with other believers pursuing abstinence. It gave me the opportunity to see how others have similar experiences, and it encouraged me to keep going.
In sharing my abstinence story, I pray that it helps and encourages you. I know it is not an easy journey, but it is worth it. Whether you started and have fallen, never been abstinent, or are successfully navigating your abstinence journey, this week’s post can help you. Regardless of what you read here or somewhere else, it boils down to making a choice. If you are unmarried [single (never married), engaged, divorced, widowed], will you choose to honor God with your body?
Understanding Fornication
In discussing fornication, we must have the correct understanding of what it means. Fornication is defined as (1) unlawful sexual intercourse of an unwed person and (2) consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other. In multiple areas within the Bible, we are instructed to abstain, avoid, or flee fornication. It doesn’t get any clearer than that. This shows us how God feels about sexual sin. As believers, if we are unmarried, we are not to be engaging in sex, period. We live in a society that endorses sexual liberation, which includes premarital sex, “casual” sex, situationships, one-night stands, etc. But all of this goes against the Word of God. In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul tells us that the body is for the Lord and not for fornication. Our bodies are members of Christ. Not only that, we must understand that sex is the joining of two individuals spiritually. Sex is not solely a physical act between two individuals; it is spiritual as well. This takes us back to the Garden of Eden when God tells Adam that man is to leave his father and mother and cleave [to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwavering] to his wife. And, the two become one flesh.
Understanding Fornication
So we must understand that when we have sex with another person, we are spiritually tied to that person. By God’s design, that tie is intended for a husband and wife, not a boyfriend and girlfriend or between a man and his fiancée. Sex is designed by God to be enjoyed between a man and woman within the covenant of marriage. There are no exceptions. We can not twist the Word to fit our sin nor allow others who are fornicating convince us differently. We must honor God with our bodies and avoid fornication. Our bodies are not our own. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. As born-again believers, the Spirit of God dwells inside of us. In verse 20 of 1 Corinthians 6, it lets us know we are bought with a price. In return, we are to glorify God in both our body and Spirit because they are God’s. Once we are born again, we can not do whatever we please with our bodies. We should no longer use our bodies to fulfill the sinful nature of the flesh. We are required to use our bodies to do what is pleasing and acceptable to our Father.
If we choose to continue in fornication, we need to have the awareness that there are consequences. And we must examine the severity of those consequences.
Consequences of Fornication
Fornication has both natural and spiritual consequences. We must choose if we are willing to accept the weight of it. One of the major consequences to consider is that it will cause us to be spiritually tied to the individual. This means that in the spiritual realm, you are illegally joined to this individual who is not your spouse. The next consequence is STDs. Fornication can bring physical and spiritual STDs. This doesn’t mean just Sexually Transmitted Diseases but also Sexually Transmitted Demons. Because you have committed sin by fornicating you have given the devil legal access into your life. As a result of sin, we become easy targets to receive other spirits outside of the Holy Spirit.
Sexual sin can affect not only our physical health but our spiritual health as well. Another physical consequence is pregnancy, which often leads to additional consequences. There are situations in which these pregnancies are terminated and result in abortion. The parent(s) view the child as an inconvenience or try to cover up the sin of fornication with the murder of the innocent child. Yes, those are harsh words to say. But it is the truth. We can not cover up one sin with another and believe that it goes unpunished by the Most High. The shedding of innocent blood further gives the devil legal access into your life and the ability to oppress you with other demonic spirits.
Pregnancy can also cause a strain on the relationship and may result in the couple breaking up. [relationship ending] Then, the child is raised in a single-parent household. No matter how society attempts to normalize single parenthood, a child thrives better in a [healthy] household with a father and mother. Children need their father and mother; both parents play vital roles in the upbringing of the child. In some cases, the parents can co-parent responsibly. Other times, it is chaotic and dysfunctional, which is detrimental to the child. Another real consequence to think about is the possibility of abandonment after the relationship ends. Not all parents stay around or are active in their children’s lives.
It takes two people to create the child, but one parent may not be willing to face the consequences of their actions and raise their child. They lack maturity, stability, and responsibility to meet the needs of their child/children. They were more concerned with the act of sex (their pleasure) than the possible result: a baby. In those situations, the child or children suffer. For unmarried couples that remain in a relationship and live together, a consequence is long-term relationships without marriage or delayed marriage years later. They do everything that husbands and wives do without making it official and right in the eyes of God. But compared to everything previously mentioned, nothing is more dreadful than the fate that awaits fornicators. Fornication results in the person not having an inheritance in the Kingdom of God. We can not live in sexual sin and have eternal life. We have to face the reality that engaging in fornication results in losing your soul in hell. We can not be born again expecting to receive eternal life if we continue in fornication. The decision is yours to make.
Now that we have discussed the consequences of fornication, it is important to go over the benefits when we choose to do it God’s way.
Submitting to God’s Way
(Yah’s Way is the Best Way)
When we decide to abstain from fornication, it comes with many benefits. No matter how others try to convince you that it’s impossible to live without sex before marriage or that you are missing out, we must know it is worth it. Abstaining gives us the ability to honor God with our bodies. Instead of giving in to sexual sin, we can purely use our bodies to glorify the Father. Abstinence prevents us from being spiritually tied to an individual who isn’t our spouse. [No sexual soul ties] We are able to benefit from not having to worry about STDs because there are no threats to our physical and spiritual health due to sin. [No STDs]
There is no possibility of unplanned, out of wedlock pregnancies. And it is worth mentioning again, no STDs. When sex is out of the picture, we are able to think clearly and have better judgment. While dating, we are able to better determine who we should give our time, energy, and effort. In a relationship, it gives you a clearer perspective to exercise wisdom and decide if this person is suitable to be your future spouse. Overall, we benefit from abstaining because we have peace of mind. Since we are not using our bodies to sin, there is no condemnation. We have the surety that we are doing what is pleasing to our Father because we are intentional in possessing our bodies in sanctification and honor.
Also, there are benefits to consider for those who are engaged or married who honor God with their bodies. One thing to understand is that marriage is held in honor. It is valuable to be married and should but cherished. It is a covenant designed by the Most High between a man and a woman. There are no exceptions to this regardless of what is accepted in society. When the couple avoids fornication and has done so prior to the relationship, it prevents sexual comparison. When we do it God’s way, we are not bringing prior sexual experiences or expectations into the marriage bed. And for those who have fornicated we need to allow God to purify and refine us, especially our minds and sexual appetites. Both the husband and wife need to have a healthy view of sex that is not perverted through past sexual encounters and pornography. That is why it is important to submit to the process of sanctification to remove any residue of the past that would affect the present.
A major benefit is being able to enjoy sex without condemnation. When we do it Yah’s way, there is peace of mind, and the devil has no ammunition to condemn us with. The couple can participate in sin-free sex, with no guilt or shame.
**This is not an exhaustive list of the benefits for individuals who are either unmarried or married. These are just some to consider.**
Apply it to Our Lives: How to Avoid Fornication
- Make the decision
- It is up to each of us to decide if we will continue in sin [fornication] or choose to abstain, honoring God with our bodies.
- Present our bodies as a living sacrifice holy and acceptable to God
- Use the members (parts) of our body as instruments of righteousness
- Choosing to use the parts of our body purely and holy, not to participate in sexual sin.
- Walk in the Spirit
- When we walk the Spirit, we will not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
- Self-denial: Crucify our flesh
- Resist temptation
- Boundaries when dating/courting/engaged
- Use Godly wisdom
- Avoid putting yourself in sexually tempting situations.
- Accountability: Person(s) who hold you accountable to maintain your abstinence and help you avoid other temptations that can lead to fornication.
Put it into Practice: Walking in Sexual Purity
“Overcoming the Shame of Your Sexual Past”
- Ownership-Accountability
- Own up to the sin you have committed, don’t turn a blind eye to it.
- Don’t sweep it under the rug
- Confession
- Confess our sins to the Father
- Repentance
- Turn from a lifestyle of fornication
- Our heart posture has to change toward fornication
- Belief
- Believe that you are forgiven and that the sin is covered under the blood of Jesus
- Purification and Refining
- Submit yourself to the process of the Most High purifying and refining you
- It does not happen overnight, allow God to removed the impurities from your life.
- Renew your mind in the Word of God
- Removal
- Remove things that stir up lust and cause you to reminisce on past sexual encounters.
- TV shows, movies, erotic/romance novels, pornography, etc.
- Social Media accounts
- Unfollow social media accounts that are lustful and sexually explicit.
- Unfriend: Don’t be afraid to unfriend people who post material that can be a stumbling block for you
- Remove things that stir up lust and cause you to reminisce on past sexual encounters.
- Separation
- People: Be mindful of the company you keep.
- Separate yourself from others who will cause you to backslide and return to a lifestyle of fornication
- Examples: friends, acquaintances, and associates
- Exes: It is not wise to stay in close contact with someone you once were fornicating with
- BOUNDARIES
- If you have children with the person, use Godly wisdom in your interaction with the person.
- Places: If possible, avoid places that you previously frequented if it is a source of temptation that can draw you back into fornication.
- Separate yourself from others who will cause you to backslide and return to a lifestyle of fornication
- People: Be mindful of the company you keep.
- Accountability Community
- Surround yourself with like-minded believers
- Have someone who holds you accountable as you pursue an abstinent lifestyle
Closing Thoughts
You have made it to the end of the post. I hope what you read encourages you along your abstinence journey wherever you may find yourself. It is not my goal to condemn but to warn others of the consequences that await us if we engage in sexual sin. With this discussion, I hope it causes you to rethink if you are willing to face the ultimate consequence. If you are engaging in a lifestyle of fornication I urge you to confess your sin to the Father and turn from it while you can. Regardless of what is accepted by the culture around us, there is a standard we are called to live up to. As believers, we are still called to be set apart and a living sacrifice to God. I pray you take into consideration what was discussed and make the right decision. The choice is yours to make, no one else.
**Scriptures used from the New King James Bible and the authorized King James Bible
**Definitions used from the Blue Letter Bible, Oxford, Merriam-Webster, and Zondervan Pictorial Dictionaries
Staying Armored in the Spirit
In this week’s blog, we will discuss having faith that is persevering and being clothed in the whole armor of God. On a daily basis, we take into consideration what we put on our bodies to make sure we are appropriately dressed. Or, I hope we take that into consideration, lol. But as believers, it is vital that we stay armored up spiritually. We should not be clothed naturally but without the appropriate clothing in the spirit. Every day, we need to be clothed with the armor of God, not some days, or when we feel like it, but every day.
It is important to have awareness that, as believers, we have an adversary or enemy, who is the devil. He is seeking to destroy us. He is very cunning, a master of deceit. He wants us to be defenseless or ignorant to his devices. When we are unaware of his schemes, we can be tricked into perceiving all things through our flesh or carnally without understanding it is spiritual in nature. We can not be ignorant of the fact that we have an enemy and he is a deceiver.
Additionally, we must have the awareness that we will face spiritual warfare. This is unavoidable as a believer. If you are saved, spiritual warfare is part of the lifestyle of a believer. We must be prepared for it and engage in it. We should not take a lackadaisical approach but a proactive one. In knowing we have an adversary looking to devour us and that spiritual warfare is a part of life, we should recognize the need to stay clothed in the whole armor of God.
Today, we will go through the necessity of the armor as well as three areas that help us to endure spiritual warfare.
The Armor of God
The armor of God consists of: the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, the shoes of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, and the sword of the spirit. Every piece of armor is vital in being able to stand against the wiles of the devil. Each has an important role when engaging in spiritual warfare. We need to put on the whole armor for preparation, protection, and endurance.
Being fully clothed prepares us for the enemy’s schemes. This ensures we are not blindsided when, not if, the enemy’s schemes show up in our lives. We will not be caught by surprise because we have the expectation that they will come. Having on the armor of God also guarantees that we will be protected against the attacks of the devil. We are not left defenseless. Instead, we have on the necessary protection to sustain us. The armor gives us the capability to withstand the wiles of the devil. When a spiritual attack shows up in life, we have a greater ability to endure rather than succumbing to it.
In order to be prepared, protected, and endure, we must know the posture to take while engaging in spiritual warfare. Within the passage of scripture, Ephesians 6:10-17, three times we are instructed to stand, and once the text says to withstand. To fully understand what that means, I will provide the definitions of both words. Stand is defined as (1) have or maintain an upright position, supported by one’s feet, (2) to take up or maintain a specified position or posture (3) to maintain one’s position, and (4) to endure or undergo successfully. And withstand means to stand up against or oppose with firm determination. We are not told to fight but to stand. We must maintain our position in God, not moving to the left or right, not forward or backward. We need to be in place and allow God to fight on our behalf. But while we are standing, we must be armored up to be able to be prepared, protected, and endure the attacks of the enemy.
While in our position, we can trust that God is moving on our behalf in the spirit realm. No matter how things look in the natural realm, we must continue to maintain our posture. Verse 12 lets us know we are not wrestling against flesh and blood (natural realm) but it is against principalities, powers, the rulers of the darkness of this world and spiritual wickedness in high places (heavenly places). The battle is spiritual, regardless of how it manifests in the natural/physical realm.
In this spiritual battle, each part of the armor of God ensures our ability to maintain our posture. We must know that we are strengthened by Christ, who endows us with the ability to persevere. The helmet of salvation reminds us that we are working out our salvation daily with fear and trembling. Additionally, as a child of God, Yah will deliver us from the attacks of the enemy. He is our deliverer and salvation. He is the One who saves us from being consumed by our enemy. With the belt of truth, we are equipped with knowledge of the truth. We are able to reject the deception of the enemy. Instead, we stand on the truth in the Word of God. Furthermore, the Spirit of God (the Spirit of Truth), which dwells on the inside of us, leads us into all truth. The Word plus the Holy Spirit helps us to combat any deception the enemy attempts to sow.
The breastplate of righteousness reminds us that we have attained righteousness through Christ’s righteousness. It is not our own. For the Word tells us that none is righteous, no, not one. But we have received it by faith in Christ. Now, as believers, we are to walk in righteousness daily. The shoes of the gospel of peace show us that we should have a readiness to share the Gospel (the Good News) of Jesus Christ. In receiving the Gospel and being born again, there is peace. By faith, we have been justified and have peace with God through our Savior, Jesus Christ. Man’s relationship has been restored with the Father.
The next piece of armor is very important; it is the shield of faith. It enables us to put out the fiery darts that the enemy sends our way. It is a defense measure that when the attack comes, our faith protects us. Lastly, the sword of the Spirit is the Word of God. We are able to be encouraged and strengthened by the Word when the attacks come.
All six parts are needed daily. It wouldn’t be wise to be partially covered and hope to successfully stand against the schemes of the devil. You may have on a portion of defense, but it is better to be completely covered. In addition to the whole armor of God, verse 18 of Ephesians 6 instructs us to pray always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit. We must maintain a posture of prayer while we stay armored in the spiritual realm.
Prayer
Praying Continually
To triumph over the enemy’s attacks, we must pray and do so continually. This is a crucial part of spiritual warfare. Otherwise, when attacks come, if we are in a state of prayerless, we are easily defeated. Prayer strengthens us and gives us the opportunity to communicate with God. In Ephesians, the apostle Paul instructs us to pray always and in the Spirit. Praying in the Spirit takes us to a deeper level and builds up our spirit man. When our spirit man is fortified, we are able to resist the devil and continue to stand while God is intervening on our behalf.
Paul also emphasizes not only prayer but also supplication. Supplication is (1) the action of asking or begging for something earnestly or humbly or (2) a humble request, prayer, petition, etc. With this type of prayer, we are making a humble request or petition to our Father. As we pray, we are not just praying for ourselves but for all saints (all who are born-again believers). This requires selflessness. We have to get out of our feelings and emotions and begin to intercede for other believers. We must recognize that spiritual warfare is not only an individual experience but our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world face it as well. So we must pray and supplicate for our brethren.
Praying with Humility and Repentance
With this area, I briefly mentioned when discussing supplication. When we pray to our Father, we must do so with humility and repentance. Yes, we can boldly approach His throne, but with a posture of humility. We are not commanding and telling God to intervene on our behalf. Instead, we are petitioning Him, making our request known based on His Word and knowing His character. It is a request, not a demand. We are His children, and He is our Father, which gives us access to Him. But with that access, reverence for Yah is still necessary.
In addition to humility, we must have a posture of repentance. We need to turn from our wicked ways. This is more than saying, “I’m sorry.” It is a change in heart posture and our way of thinking. We are giving up the sin, iniquity, and wickedness in our lives and turning to the Father. We are not simultaneously holding on to sin while trying to seek God in prayer. We must let sin go and turn to Him fully.
Likewise, within this area, it is important to confess our sins to Him. We must confess known and unknown sins. We don’t want anything to be a hindrance from our prayers reaching heaven. As we discussed last week, we must address any unforgiveness we have in our hearts, which will be a hindrance in our prayers being heard by God. So, it is essential that we forgive and ask God for forgiveness before we ask for anything. We want to ensure we have no sin hidden in our hearts.
Praying with the Right Motives
In Matthew 6, Jesus instructs us of the proper way to pray. When we pray, we are not to do so with the desire of being seen and heard by others in public. For those who do so, their reward is with men, not God. Instead, we are instructed to go in private (into a closet or room), shut the door, and pray to our Father. When we come to Him privately, He rewards us openly.
Also, during our time of prayer, we should not use vain repetition. We don’t have to use many words to get God to hear us. God is already aware of what we need; we should be genuine, making our request known.
**Additionally, Jesus gives the Model Prayer in verses 9 through 13**
Our Intercessor: The Holy Spirit
In our time of weakness, when we don’t know what to pray, the Holy Spirit makes intercession for us. Through groanings that can not be uttered, He intercedes on our behalf. And the Father who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit. It is beautiful to know that we have the Holy Spirit, who is our intercessor. During times of intense warfare, where it is difficult to articulate a prayer, we still have an Advocate intervening on our behalf.
Since we have discussed prayer to help us resist the attacks of the devil and the correct ways to approach prayer, now we can transition into praise and worship. With these two areas, they can be used as weapons of warfare.
Praise and Worship
Lastly, through our praise and worship, we can resist the devil and his schemes. They are instruments to refocus our attention on God when the attacks come. Throughout the book of Psalms, we see how the authors would create songs worshiping the Father declaring His divine nature and attributes. Often, we see David articulate his praise to Yah, especially while he was on the run from King Saul. He had a natural/physical enemy who was seeking to take his life. But in spite of that, worship and giving praise to his God flowed from the depths of his soul (Psa. 34). Exalting God helped to sustain him even when his life was threatened. It would be wise for us to learn from David. When the spiritual attacks come and we feel as though it will overtake us, we should choose to worship our God using our voice to lift up praise to His name. While we are in a time of exalting Yah rather than the circumstance, our inner man (spirit) is strengthened, giving us the ability to endure.
Recap
Awareness
- We have an enemy/adversary, who is the devil.
- He is very cunning and a master of deceit.
- As believers, we will face spiritual warfare. It is part of the life of a believer.
The Armor of God
Needed for preparation, protection, and endurance.
- The Helmet of Salvation
- The Breastplate of Righteousness
- The Belt of Truth
- The Shoes of the Gospel of Peace
- The Shield of Faith
- The Sword of the Spirit
Every piece of armor is vital in being able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
Prayer
- Pray continually
- Maintain a posture of prayer
- Intercede for all believers
- Pray with humility and repentance
- Pray with the right motives
- Our Intercessor: the Holy Spirit
- In times of weakness when we don’t know what to pray, He intercedes on our behalf.
Praise and Worship
- Instruments to refocus our attention on YAH when the attacks come.
- Exalt God, not the situation/attack you’re facing
- Use the Book of Psalms to remind us of God’s divine nature and attributes
**Scriptures used from the New King James Bible and the authorized King James Bible
**Definitions used from the Oxford, Merriam-Webster, and Collins dictionaries
The Importance of Forgiving Others and Yourself
Hello everyone! I pray you have had a great week so far. It is my hope that The Restored Life blog has been a blessing to you. If so, please share with others and subscribe to stay updated with each week’s blog.
In today’s blog, I want to discuss walking in forgiveness. This is a touchy subject, but it’s necessary to address it. Otherwise, we can find ourselves walking in unforgiveness and reaping the consequences of it. As believers, we can not harbor unforgiveness in our hearts toward others. We must choose to forgive others no matter how big or small the matter is. We can not receive forgiveness from our Father if we are walking in unforgiveness toward those who have offended or done us wrong. Forgiving others is not always easy, but we are required to forgive.
To forgive means we: (1) stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake, (2) stop blaming or being mad at someone for something that person has done, or not punish them for something, and (3) overlook an offense, and treat the offender as not guilty. With these definitions, we have a clear understanding of what it looks like to forgive. It takes maturity to forgive when our flesh wants us to stay in a state of offense and resentment. I can relate to the feelings that arise when someone says or does something that inflicts pain. That pain may be physical, mental, or emotional. Their actions or words cut deep. Previously, I tried to forgive others in my own strength and was unsuccessful.
But once I invited the Holy Spirit into my situation, then I was able to forgive. When thoughts of the wrongdoing would replay in my mind, I still had to choose to forgive. I could not live in a state of continually reliving the offense. In the Word of God, I am reminded that forgiving others is a requirement, as God has forgiven me. Regardless of what was said or done, I have to give up the right to hold a grudge. I can’t afford to stay offended. Otherwise, that will cause anger and resentment to fester in my heart.
Throughout my adulthood, I had to walk through seasons of forgiveness. This was not just one instance but multiple occasions. In life, we will encounter disagreements, conflicts, and offenses. These things are unavoidable. But when the issues arise, we must respond how the Word instructs us to. It’s not based on our feelings and emotions. We can not try to validate them no matter the situation or circumstance.
I have lived through this so I can attest to the inner battle between the flesh and spirit. They are warring against each other. Your spirit will alert you of the need to forgive, releasing the person and the offense. All the while, your flesh is feeding into the wrongdoing, causing you to walk around, angry, resentful, and offended. Honestly, there were times I held on to unforgiveness for years. I thought I had forgiven, but truthfully, I had not. Through the Holy Spirit’s revelation and counseling, I was able to identify the areas where I was holding on to unforgiveness.
The pain attached to the wrongdoing caused me to stay offended and angry at the individuals. It affected how I interacted with them. But with the Holy Spirit’s leading, I sought to make amends as much as possible given the relationship dynamics. Some came through face-to-face conversations. Others were through letters or some form of messaging. I noticed within myself that making amends or clearing up the matter brought peace. My intentions were not to make the other person feel awful and cast blame. Instead, my desire was to honestly share how their words and/or actions affected me and seek to make peace with the person (if possible). The anger I once felt was gone. Regardless of the person’s response, I felt a release from the negative feelings and emotions I had been harboring. These experiences caused me to be aware that forgiveness is necessary and brings healing. It frees you, and it prevents you from having open doors for the devil to gain access to you.
With unforgiveness comes various spirits that can now easily attach themselves to you. Usually, where there is unforgiveness, there is also offense, resentment, anger, and bitterness. These are only a few spirits that can attach themselves to you. Holding on to unforgiveness is detrimental to our overall well-being. We can not walk in unforgiveness and have the expectation of all things going well in our lives. It is a hindrance in our walk with Christ.
So we must make the decision to walk in forgiveness. In doing so, we can forgive others and ourselves. Yes, it’s not just others; we need to forgive ourselves as well.
Forgiving Others
To successfully forgive others, we must invite the Holy Spirit into the matter. We should not be led by our flesh when seeking to make amends with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Whether the issue is minor or major, we need the Holy Spirit to guide us. Being led by Him will have a more favorable outcome than doing so in our own strength.
Also, we must be mature in handling the issue. This shouldn’t be a time of finger-pointing and casting blame. There is a mature way to explain how the matter affected you without telling the person off or giving them a piece of your mind. That’s why it is important to approach the conversation with humility and love led by the Holy Spirit. Pride and having to be right all the time has to go. There is nothing we have to prove to the other person. The end result should be reconciliation, restoring the relationship (if possible).
In addition to being led by the Spirit of God and walking in both humility and love, we must know there are consequences if we choose to walk in unforgiveness. It is important to know that if we decide not to forgive others of their faults, mistakes, or sins against us, God will not forgive our sins. We will not receive God’s forgiveness when we are harboring unforgiveness in our hearts. It’s very simple. Forgive others so God does not withhold His forgiveness toward you.
Another consequence of unforgiveness is that it hinders God from hearing our prayers. Before we pray, we need to forgive anyone for anything that they have said or done. We can not harbor unforgiveness in our hearts while praying to God. It is akin to our prayers being blocked from reaching heaven due to a glass ceiling. We may be unaware of the glass ceiling, but nonetheless, it is still present. That ceiling would be unforgiveness. This shows us the importance of clearing up any complaints, disagreements, arguments, and offenses that we have with anyone. But when we choose to forgive quickly and easily, we do not have to be concerned about any hidden unforgiveness in our hearts. If we find ourselves in a state of unforgiveness, we must choose to forgive so there is no hindrance restricting our prayers to God.
Now that we have explored forgiving others, we can move on to discuss forgiving ourselves.
Forgiving Yourself
This particular area we can often overlook in our lives. By this point, we should recognize the importance of forgiving others. But we also need to forgive ourselves. When we fall short and sin or make a mistake, we may battle self condemning thoughts. Even after we have confessed our sins, we struggle with believing we are forgiven. Or rather, we think God holds the transgression over our heads. I know this is not everyone, but I believe there are others who have battled these thoughts. I have found myself viewing my past mistakes and sins from this frame of mind. As I meditated on 1 John 1:9, my way of thinking shifted. I could believe that when I confessed my sins, God fully forgives me. This is not a partial forgiveness to bring it up at a later date. No, He doesn’t hang it over my head, constantly reminding me of what I had done.
That is not in Yah’s character. It is our adversary, the devil, who seeks to condemn us. Once we confess our sin, we are forgiven. The mistake, trangression, or sin is covered under the blood of Jesus. This is why it’s important to understand and believe we are forgiven by our Father. Take captive any self-condemning thought. Don’t allow it to be implanted in your heart and turn into your belief system. Replace the lie with the truth of God’s Word. That is why we must stay girded up with the whole armor of God daily. (Eph. 6:10-17) In doing so, we have the ability to stand against the schemes of the devil. Now that we are prepared for the enemy’s tactics, we can resist him when he sends condemning thoughts. We make the decision to reject them. And, likewise, we can walk in forgiveness with confidence.
Put It into Practice: How to Walk in Forgiveness
Forgiving Others
- Move beyond our emotions and feelings–Forgive easily and quickly.
- Don’t allow offense, anger, resentment, and bitterness to take root in your heart.
- When we experience an offense or have a complaint against someone, be led by the Holy Spirit to determine how to address the situation.
- Address the person with maturity–Do not bring in additional persons who may further stir up strife and division.
- Approach the person with humility and love–Remove any pride and do not cast blame.
- **Ask for forgiveness**: If there is any wrongdoing or offense you have committed against the individual, ask for his/her forgiveness as well. It goes both ways.
- Make amends with our brothers and sisters in Christ–Forgiveness opens the door for reconciliation.
- It takes two willing individuals in agreement to pursue a fully restored relationship.
- Reconciliation is possible if both individuals make the effort to let go of the offense, heal, and truly desire to mend their broken relationship.
- Depending on the nature and severity of the matter, it will take time to restore the relationship. It doesn’t always happen overnight.
- Choose to forgive whether we receive an apology or not.
- We have to forgive even though some people will never admit their wrongdoings or offenses.
- Our decision to walk in forgiveness is not based on the other person’s response.
- Let it go and release the person.
- Once we decide to forgive, let the offense go. Don’t continue to hold it over his/her head.
Forgiving Yourself
- Confess your sins to God and believe according to His Word that He has forgiven you.
- Once we confess our sins/faults/mistakes, we need to believe we are forgiven and it is covered under the blood of Jesus.
- When self-condemning thoughts arise in your mind, take the thought captive, and cast it down.
- Do not come into agreement with thoughts that lead to condemnation and lead you to walk in shame and guilt.
Closing Thoughts
I hope this week’s blog will help you on your journey of walking in forgiveness. I know it’s not always easy. But no matter the difficulty, we must choose to forgive. If you are having a hard time releasing the person and what they have said or done, invite God into the situation. He will guide you through it and help you to fully forgive the person. Healing and restoration are possible for you. All we have to do is be honest with ourselves and with Him.
Until next time, have a great week!
**Scriptures used from the New King James Bible and the authorized King James Bible
**Definitions used from the Oxford, Cambridge, and Webster’s 1828 dictionaries
Made New in Christ
Hello everyone. This week’s topic is very personal to me. From my teens into early adulthood, I struggled with my identity and fully understanding who I am in Christ. I grew up going to church. Throughout my young adult life, I served in various ministries. I was good at being productive and “doing.” I thoroughly enjoyed serving both in and outside of the church. Wherever there was a need, if I had the time and the ability, I had no problem helping out. But in spite of my willingness to serve and help others, I had one area I did not grasp. That area was sonship. I believed that God sent His Son, Jesus, to die for my sins. I believed in the finished works of the cross. I put my faith in Jesus, who I publicly confessed and believed in my heart that God raised Him from the dead. I was even baptized at the age of 11. Nevertheless, I struggled with seeing myself as a child of God. I knew I was saved, but I had a difficult time comprehending God as my Father.
It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I became aware how my fractured relationship with my natural father affected the way I saw my Heavenly Father. I viewed God through a distorted lens. I began to associate Yahweh with the negative experiences I had with my own father. I was very standoffish and not trusting. I struggled with praying to God. I avoided having open and honest conversations with Him. I had more fear of Him than love for Him. This was not a reverential fear–instead it was a fear of approaching Him or making a mistake dreading the possible consequences. Where the Word instructs us to come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need–that was not me by any means. (Heb. 4:16) I was approaching God with timidity or often not at all.
But through counseling, Yah revealing Himself to me and reading the Word, I began to understand the true character of God. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I was able to identify the false beliefs that I had accepted about Yah. Additionally, reading the Word helped me to learn the truth and come out of agreement with the lies. My perception of Yah had changed. I no longer saw Him solely as God the Father, but He was my Father. Confronting and healing from the lies was a process. It didn’t happen overnight–it took place over a timespan of a few years. The healing and restoration that transpired in my life was necessary. I am grateful the scales were removed from my eyes, and I was able to receive the love of the Father–not only receiving His love, but knowing in the depths of my soul that I am His child. During that time, I was overwhelmed by His love. Prior to this, I believed that I was unlovable and it was challenging for me to receive love. I was not affectionate, and I struggled to tell loved ones “I love you.” I was very closed off even though deep down I wanted to be more expressive in my love for others.
I discovered that once I saw my Heavenly Father through the correct lens, likewise, I could see my natural father correctly. It allowed me to forgive my dad for the areas where he fell short as a father. It allowed me to extend grace and no longer hold on to the anger I harbored from childhood. I will tell you from the outside I appeared quiet and reserved. But inwardly, I was full of anger and resentment. I was short-tempered with little to no patience with others. There was so much I held inside, suppressing it for years. I didn’t know how to express myself in a healthy manner. While pursuing a relationship with Yah, it gave me the opportunity to confront the issues I never addressed but had caused me pain for many years. I was able to cry out to my Father and know that He was concerned about me.
In my heart, I knew He heard me and would not leave me in the state I was in. It allowed me to see my life from a different perspective. Whatever I didn’t receive from my dad, I always had in God. He made up for what had been lacking in my childhood and adulthood. It was as though I could see clearly for the first time in my life. I felt restored and loved. The anger and rejection I once felt was replaced with love and fulfillment in knowing that God had been with me all my life. Through the highs and lows, He was walking alongside me–oftentimes carrying me through it. He had been caring for and preserving me from childhood into adulthood.
I shared my story, hoping that it encourages you to see yourself through your true identity in Christ, not who you once were. No matter how our stories started, as born-again believers, we are children of God–once we are saved, we receive the Spirit of adoption and become a son of God. You are not an orphan. You are not fatherless. You are not motherless. You are not abandoned. You are not rejected. Regardless of what you didn’t receive from your natural family, you are adopted into God’s family. You have a Father who has called you His child. You are a part of a spiritual family that truthfully supersedes anything natural.
Today’s topic is for those who are new to the faith as well as those who have been walking with God for many years. No matter how long we have been saved, we need to be reminded of who we are in Christ. There are many things or even people we face on a daily basis that may cause us to question who we are. But whatever and whoever we encounter, it is necessary that we are secure in our identity as a child of God. Also, I want to emphasize walking in the newness of life we have in Christ–embracing our restored identity. Each of us is a new creation. We have a new identity. And we have a new nature. In being made new in Christ, we do not have to live bound to who we once were prior to salvation.
New Creation. New Identity. New Nature.
Before we can dive into our identity as a child of God, we must know that when we are born again, we become a new creation. We are regenerated, meaning we are spiritually reborn or converted. At the time of conversion, God begins to work on our inner man. We can see our desires start to change; some are immediate, and others are gradual. This is the beginning of our journey with God. It is important to remember that we are not who we used to be. Our slate is wiped cleaned. The blood of Jesus has cleansed us of all unrighteousness. We have received Christ’s righteousness, and we are in right standing with the Father. We are walking out our salvation and submitting ourselves to the process of sanctification. We no longer have to see ourselves through the lens of our past. In the second portion of 2nd Corinthians 5:17, it states, “Old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
Once we recognize that we’re a new creation, we can embrace our new identity. The Word tells us that we are children of God by our faith in Christ Jesus. We have received the spirit of adoption and sonship. Because of our faith in Christ, we are brought into God’s spiritual family. With our sonship comes benefits. We are counted as Abraham’s seed. Also, we become heirs of God and joint-heirs with Christ.
Additionally, the Spirit of God bears witness with our spirit that we are the children of God. It is spirit recognizing spirit. Those who belong to God are led by His Spirit. Believers are led by the Holy Spirit and sealed with the Holy Spirit. So once we are born again, this newness we have is–we are a new creation; and, we have a new identity as a son of God led by the Spirit of God.
Lastly, being led by the Holy Spirit helps us to put on our new nature. We are no longer bound to our old sinful behavior. We once were slaves to sin, but now we are slaves to righteousness. This requires each of us to make a decision. Will we walk in the Spirit, resulting in our lives being pleasing and acceptable to God? Or, will we walk after the flesh driven by our carnal desires leading us away from Him? This is a daily decision we have to make. My hope is that we choose to be led by the Holy Spirit because the beauty of choosing Him is knowing He will never steer us in the wrong direction. It may be uncomfortable and challenging. It may result in us having to let go of certain things and further exercising self-denial. But in the end, it will ensure we are in alignment with the will of our Father.
No Longer Bound to the Past
With everything I discussed, it is my desire that each of us fully walks in the newness of life made available through Christ. No matter how horrible your past may have been, it is covered under the blood of Jesus. We do not have to see ourselves through the lens of our past. When others want to remind you of who you used to be and what you used to do, you don’t have to walk around in shame and condemnation. Instead, it can be used as an opportunity to share your testimony of how God has restored you and made all things new in your life. Your testimony can help others who are in the same or similar condition that you once found yourself in. It reveals that if God saved you and brought you out, He is more than able to do the same for them.
Lastly, for those who are struggling in their identity, I would encourage you to seek God with your whole heart. We can go to our Father and be honest about our difficulties. There is no reason to conceal it and pretend everything is okay. Yah can handle it; we just need to be willing to express it.
Reading and meditating on scripture helps to reaffirm our identity in Christ. Wherever there is any doubt or questions, replace it with the truth of the Word. As you build yourself up with the Word, it becomes easier to identify any lies the enemy or others have caused you to believe. Once the lies are addressed, we must come out of agreement with them. To fully walk in the newness of life, we need to see ourselves the way our Father sees us.
Recap: Newness in Christ
- New Creation
- Anyone in Christ is a new creation.
- New Identity
- Spirit of adoption 》Sonship
- New Nature
- Led by the Spirit of God, not our flesh
- Servant of righteousness (Slave to righteousness-NKJV)
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